Re-post of Ode to Mary-Sue

Ok, who hasn't heard of Mary Sue, eh? Ok, maybe not everyone, but almost anyone who's into fanfiction would have heard of Mary... She has a male counterpart, too, called Gary Stu, but he's almost non-existant in LoTR fanfiction world. In fact, I'm so sick of her that I have just recently composed a poem in honour of those badly-made Marys. If done properly, I will actually like them, so this poem is more dedicated to those hormone-drived, grammatically incorrect, never-written-a-story-in-her-life Mrs. Orlando Bloom Mary Sue writers out there. Enjoy, and don't take this the wrong way. It's not meant to insult, but to parodize.

Mary Sue is a perfect girl,
Her hair is pretty, straight or curled.
Her eyes are blue, hazel, violet or green:
strangest combination that I've ever seen!

Her skin is pale, smooth and unblemished-
Wait, don't leave yet, I'm not quite finished!
Her body is slim, perfect as can be,
heck, it's SO perfect, it's even tempting me!

Her name is Raven, Rachel or Raya,
and in Middle-Earth, she is quite a playa!

She's half hobbit, wizard or elf.
Her mother wouldn't have done that, had she respected herself...
She's the sister or Legolas, Frodo or Aragorn,
and she's well-known for making inter-species porn.

She asked to join the prestigious Fellowship,
'cause in her mind, she thought: "It's just a hunting trip!"
She could resist fatigue, pain, and even the Ring:
for her, it was just a tacky golden thing.

She is skilled in magic, arrows or sword;
perfect for entertraining when the boys got bored...
Her powers were to protect her from random orcs:
according to the Ringbearer, just another annoying quirk.

Strangely enough, she said words like "Cool and "OK",
and strangely enough, when she spoke, all had to obey.
From orcses to goblins, and Ringwraithses too,
she just seemed way, WAY too good to be true.

When she was there, the "trip" was never dull,
until one day, she suddenly fell
In love, as her authours often wanted to say,
but I'll be there to make them regret that day.

If I could change the story, if I had the power,
I'd make her fall from a stinkin' huge tower.
And as she fell, her beautiful voice would cry:
"Help me, Frodo/Legolas/Aragorn, save me before I die!"

But alas, no one came to break her fall;
her cries for help ignored by all.
And finally she landed and broke her neck,
and I laughed and darned her straight to heck!

OK, insulting to the extreme, but I have to right to freedom of expression, after all. This ain't China anymore, it's Canada, and after all, it's ONLY to parodize.